Forfeit.

when I made my screen name and this WordPress I vaguely wanted to do as my nom de plume suggests, but I’ve given up on that much like I give up on many things in life. for the rest of days I’m probably just gonna use this WordPress to dump all my depressing shit that…

Mayo and sadness

I made homemade mayo for the first time in a while, turned out pretty great. 1 egg yolk 2 tbls vinegar 1/2cp neutral flavored cooking oil splash of lemon juice splash of soy sauce some amount of dijon I didn’t measure. 2 small spoonfuls? beat the heck out of your eggs, vinegar, mustard, splashes, then…

dream

today I dreamt I wasn’t alone anymore, I seemed happy.

you. I hate you.

Every day I go to sleep and every night I wake up, I see you. I see you and I hate you. I beg you “why can’t it change” but, nothing ever does. I cry “you could do so much more, BE so much more.” but you don’t even try. I talk to you every…

Awareness, and actually Food

now that more than one person has apparently read these, (totally forgot I linked to this site on a few sites), I feel like I should do something with food~ but, first, backstory So, many years back¬†when I was a kid I was selected to do a student ambassador thing where a shitload of kids…

empty

ahh~ I feel so empty when I’m not doing anything and I can’t seem to finish anything I do start……I don’t even know why I write these posts….

isolated

I feel conflicted, on one hand, I feel so utterly alone, on the other hand, I can’t stand most human interaction. I love to be alone but, I feel so lonely. Is it possible to want to be alone but not feel so lonely? I wish there was a magic eight ball that really worked…

still tired.

it doesn’t get any easier. each day takes a month but a month barely feels like a day. I want there to be more. but there isn’t, I’m still so tired.

tired

Every day I wake up later and later. I barely get out of bed except to read. there is nothing wrong with my home life. I just can’t “do” anymore and it gets harder every day. I’m only writing this because no one in my offline life will see it. Often when I see stories…