Every day I wake up later and later. I barely get out of bed except to read. there is nothing wrong with my home life. I just can’t “do” anymore and it gets harder every day. I’m only writing this because no one in my offline life will see it.

Often when I see stories of people committing suicide I see comments from people saying that they are cowards. I can’t disagree more. every day I go to sleep hoping to never wake again, only to be disappointed the next day. How brave are those who can suffer the pain of death? how brave are the ones who are willing to accept the unknowable pain that awaits, whether that be heaven, hell, or nothing? I’m too tired to want to keep living and I’m too much of a coward to take my own life.

some days are better, maybe I just don’t think about it as much on those days.

I think if I didn’t have novels, manga, tv shows, and other things to distract me I would have broken long ago.

If you happened upon this post:

  1. I won’t kill myself so don’t worry.
  2. I’m Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother anyone.

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